oye vey
not a good day. I don’t know how I am going to do this. I’m tired all the time. Finals are coming up and of course my husband is gone. I have two kids and my uc has been worse than ever. I really want to do well on my finals but I just don’t see it happening. I still have to be a mom. Grocery shopping while pregnant with uc. I just don’t know how I am going to make it.
yes I’m pregnant
I hate that weird stage in pregnancy where your belly isn’t developed enough to look pregnant you just look fat. The worst part is the hunger. I already look like I have never seen a gym in my life then I eat like it is my first meal in weeks. I see the people stare and I can’t help but think “mind your business”! Sometimes I just rub my belly as only a pregnant chick does but then I realized the rubbing just makes me look like I am trying to rush digestion so I can shove more food in my face! The worst part is the invinsible feeling I get when pregnant. I am not sure if it is the hormones or just lack of caring. Where I would normally just let certain things go I know insist on showing people what idiots they are being at a certain time. The other day I took my kids to the zoo (a family place). This jerk was yelling and cussing at his children in the middle of the zoo. I walked or waddled over calmly and told him to torment and traumatize his children somewhere else. That my children were not going to be subjected to such childish, irresponsible, down right ugly behavior and language. I ended it with, “and mullets went out years ago…they don’t make you look tough
ah another day
So we meet again uc. Not leaving the house…oh what fun. So I took a trip…you can’t imagine how difficult a trip can be. Never knowing if you are going to run into a place where bathroom is not accessible but it absolutly necessary. I had to explain this to my flight attendant when she scolded me for getting up to go to the bathroom when the light was on. I calmly told her that light was the least of my problems and of she didn’t move…it was going to be the least of hers as well. What shall tomorrow bring? Only time will tell.
woe is me
so what use to be my love (food) is now my enemy. Every meal every bite I worry how long till the next flare or the next bathroom trip. On a trip it was the worst. Flights taking off and landing people everywhere me trapped. Then the menus what can I eat from here. How will it affect me. How am I ever going to survive this?
Middle man
You know it is crock…the stories of life people tell you when you are young. Those are for rich people. Middle class folks have a whole different life. No one tells those stories or makes movies about it. Marriage: they show you all the happy pictures. No one ever shows you the sad ones in between. The times of true struggle and strife. You take two people from two different place and different families and try to make them live together in perfect harmony. All crap. You constantly struggle to make compromise enough to make the relationship work. Then you throw children into the mix. This beautiful relationship created between you and your partner to love and grow and adore….then they turn two. Ah the rebellion. The lack of sleep. The stress of trying to make enough money to live, finish school, find time for the kids…and of course for each other…then you have time for yourself….if that exists. The funniest thing to me is how when I have time to hang out..it is his time to hang alone. When I am ready to hang alone…all the sudden he is ready to hang out. I do not know if that is normal or not…perhaps other couples are more together in time zones. The constant struggle with your kids, money, politics, relationships, school, and I am supposed to be sane?
Oh boy
So…in an attempt to relax and enjoy my time with my husband I broke a tooth eating bacon! The wonderful part of pregnancy is that wonderful little creation gets all of your calcium. Me being lactose intolerant I need all I can get. They say your teeth are the first to go. How embarrasing it is though. After my traumatic experience last time (more on that later) I am not looking forward to going back. I think i need to find someone who just knocks you out everytime. As pathetic as that may sound…it is well deserved I assure you. I can’t imagine working in peoples mouths everyday. I am glad some people do it. I am going to visit family next week. I am getting away…I know sounds crazy but it actually does happen!
getting old
So it is official. I am old! We are on the way to buy a minivan. With the new baby coming in October the Toyota 4runner is no longer going to fit our family. While I loved my 4 runner and am sad to see it go, I always love getting a new vehicle. It should last about a month before my two boys trash it! We are getting a Mazda 5. While it wasn’t my first choice…it has grown on me. The price is amazing for minivans. Toyota acted like they weren’t having trouble moving their minivans and were still really proud of them. Even though I just heard last night they were being recalled because of the spare tire cable breaking causing the spare tire to fall out! Yikes!
angel one
Ah UC
So…I guess I am not even lucky enough to be one of the many who go symptom free from UC while pregnant. I would love it so much if I could have gotten something you could actually hide from people. I make plans…then have to call back or just go back home. It is so unpredictable. Have you ever just felt like a caged rat running in the maze desperately trying to escape. That is the best way for me to describe the anxiety I feel about UC. I just want to be normal again. I am not even sure I ever really knew normal. I hear about these predictable people who go like clock work and I think what that must be like. I know I have had this way longer than how long I have been diagnosed. Most of the options are not really options. I am holding out praying after I have this baby I can get one of those allergy tests and that will solve all my problems. Some believe that some UC is caused from allergies to certain foods. Maybe I can get that test and figure out that I am allergic to something and just stop eating it! Please don’t let it be bread ;( It only makes since that my one true enemy would be a food…I have this unhealthy relationship with food anyway. People are always so amazed just because I am small that I have this relationship with food. I guess I fall into that category of people that exercises to eat the way I want. Even with people I love it is hard to share my short comings. Let’s be real…no matter how much you love a person do you ever really want to hear about their bowel movements! That is what I loath so much about this disease. All of the symptoms are uncouth to discuss in front of company. People ask “how are you doing” and I want to tell them the truth then I realize how much of what I want to say should not be discussed and I resort to the ever popular “OK” That brings me to the caged rat again. All this built up anxiety and anger from not understanding why this is plaguing me. So many ideas of where it came from or what causes it and just as many on how to get into remission. Now they even have a supposed “cure” If you ever want to go there. I was personally disgusted by the suggestion and it takes a lot to disgust me after all I have been through. The hardest part is not being one hundred percent and never knowing when it is going to strike. School, kids, husband, everything gets put on the back burner and I hate it. I guess this is what I would call a bad day. Perhaps my next submission will be more positive and upbeat.
Suckster!
So…my husband is supposed to finally come home from Africa after being gone a month and guess what…a volcano errupts in Iceland that cancels flights from Europe to America due to ashes in the air! He can’t call and I have no way of getting in touch with him to find out if he is coming home. My UC is flaring thanks to some great food poisoning which is awesome when you are pregnant! Yes that was sarcasm. With a two year old and four year old to tend to…I need a break! What I jokingly call my studies are on hold and I just want to get back to normal…I will settle for my normal.
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